**This is an update which I started before bed, continued in the morning, wrote some really great stuff (i mean, they should have handed me the pulitzer write then and there, i swear) got inadvertantly deleted and then partially recovered, then forgotten in my drafts folder. For those that were interested in the status of my psyche about a week ago...**

The curious fact that I'm a female athlete continues to open doors to meet new people. Joined a gym recently which is good as it gives me option and motivation to get exercise more regularly. The first time I worked out there, it was the typical "stare at the white girl" routine. Meh, I'm essentially used to it now and I was more interested in focusing on my abs as opposed to paying the handful of stares any mind. One of the trainers in particular was quite interested in my routine and was eager to help with equipment and suggestions. At first I was a little frustrated--i'm one of those who likes to be left alone to do my thing at the gym but he was persistent and nice and was patient enough to listen to my funny Chinese so we got to talking. Apparently he's a student at the local physical education college. I mentioned that my local basketball haunt had been commandeered by the soccer gangs and he invited me to come play at his school. Sign me up! So on Saturday I made my way over and made some basketball friends. Hopefully we'll make it a regular activity as they guys were good, but super laidback which made it really fun.

I continue to play soccer on Sunday evenings. I remain a mystery to these men...when I'm tired and out of breath, it's hard to get the Chinese to sound right so my communication with them has been somewhat limited. That and they're awfully shy around me. They're curious though so despite the interaction being slow, there nonetheless remains the strong potential for friendship. In the meantime, the Sunday soccer dates have become one of the highlights of my week.

Sports have been keeping me sane and have been a stabilizing constant as I continue to navigate the tumultuous Chinese social customs. Live in a country like China that puts so much value on relationships and one quickly becomes aware and sensitive of all interactions with others. I've decided I've become too busy and I'm stretching myself thin so I need to start prioritizing my friendships. If I were any more cynical, I think I might go postal trying to shake out the true friends from those just being nice. The Chinese have this habit of always telling people what they want to hear. It's not so much a bad thing, I mean they're not intentionally or maliciously trying to be dishonest. It's actually a means of allowing people to save face and not shame one another, to keep the peace. It is tricky however, for someone who values and counts on honesty above all else. It's something I'm having to get used to and at times it's a little draining trying to figure out people's true meanings. I hate the idea of looking like a fool because I didn't read people correctly. In America, I'm a pretty good judge of character. Here, all the rules have been changed. Throw in the occsasional language gap and I feel a little like I'm flying in a really thick fog. Frustrating, challenging and at times unnerving, i've had a few dings to my self-confidence. Nothing serious, just a little unsettled is all. One of my closer friends here suggested that I can't possibly know what other people are thinking and that I just gotta do the best I can. She's right, if you think too much and question everything, you just become miserable. Simple advice, but I'm sticking to that as much as I can.

I'm thinking about how I used to treat relationships with people before I came here and something has changed. I'm not really certain how to describe it other than that I've become more conscientious. China has this funny way of changing people, whether they like it or not. The degree of change is of course up to the individual, but it's a place that will grow you up, whoever you might be. It's also pretty easy to lose yourself, especially if you didn't have a good grasp on who you were to begin with. I'm thankful that my parents helped instill me with strong character and personal dignity. I can go chameleon and adopt a chinese style of living, but it doesn't mean i have to compromise what i believe in. At times it feels a little like I'm leading a double life what with all the very different people I'm associating with. The beauty of a country of 1.3 million people however is that chances are, you can find at least one person with whom you can at least partially relate and thus, you're never truly alone.

**Really, the rest of that post was fantastic. Oh well, i'll try and make up for it on the next one.**