Blogging is kind of like housework...it's a great feeling when you get it done but if you don't do it for a long time, it's the pits!
I'm really lazy right now as far really doing a bang up job on editing this for all of you so I apologize for the length and the scattered train of thought of future posts.

Pictures to come hopefully...still working on getting the rest of the haerbin shots up...

Had a 9-day trip to Yunnan, a province in the SW corner of China on the Laos, Myanmar and Tibetan border. Yunnan is said to be one of the most beautiful places in China and while I took some decent shots, most unfortunately don't do the place justice. Much of our trip took place at high elevation (in some places over 3K feet) and the temperature year round is fairly mild and humid. I was under the impression that since we were in the far south, it would be a whole lot warmer than Shenyang...boy was I surprised when we arrived to rain, wet cold and even a bit of snow (it hasn't snowed there in years...can't a chilled girl get a break?)

We flew into Kunming around 7:30 in the evening and once we got dropped off at our hotel, made our way to the city center for some "over the bridge" noodles (a local specialty). By the time we got to the center most places were closed but we found a 24-hour cafeteria that was surprisingly busy (always a good sign in Chinese dining). A great start to what would prove to be a very interesting tour...

The rest of the trip was a whirlwind of sights and bus rides and lots and lots of chinese, some of which i actually understood!
I'll describe sights and destinations when i get the pictures going. for now, a little reflection. I've decided while tour groups are great for their convenience, they are definitely not for the wanderer who likes to explore and get lost and discover things off the beaten trail. Even though the touristy places we visited were very beautiful, they nevertheless at times smacked of being very very fake and with far too many people trying to sell you jewelry. My Lonely Planet ended up in the bottom of my bag after awhile...next time I'm backpacking, Fall 2008 anyone?

Gosh that's awfully negative sounding. Don't get me wrong...it was a very worthwhile trip and I'm glad I went. If it seems as if my attitude wasn't in the right place, well it's because I went into the trip really unprepared for the mental and emotional drain the ensuing nine days would have on me.

couple of reasons I think...one, the students i was with were very concerned about making sure that whenever i interacted with anyone they were right there to help make me understood. I appreciated their help at first but after awhile i bristled under the extra attention...I'm used to making mistakes on my own and having more independence when it comes to talking to people. because they were regularly repeating what i said and correcting me, I was really self-conscious about my Chinese which made it really hard to communicate after awhile. So part of my frustration i think came from the perceived loss of independence (and therefore dignity). The feeling that whenever my students had to use English with me, it was a smack in the face, like I was stupid or less intelligent, was also very strong. I know they didn't do it intentionally but I noticed that the people in the group I was with were very controlling, as if I was a small child--nervous about letting me carry the baggage claim tickets for fear that I might lose them, not listening to me when we were lost and I knew the way. I just let it go most of the time because it's subconscious but it harps back to something that I've had to remind myself as a teacher every now and then that people speaking in a foreign language sound stupid, but no matter how silly or elementary they sound, they are not any less intelligent. Being on the receiving end of the treatment really frustrated me and that frustration accompanied by fatigue (I need down time to process and reflect and in packaged tours, there is NO down time) probably had a bigger influence than i realized at the time. I didn't know how to tell my students this without making them feel bad or insulted that i wouldn't want their help and instead just clammed up. I assumed they wouldn't understand what I was feeling and so just kept silent which in hindsight i don't think helped the situation.

An interesting thing that I noticed during the trip is my own Americanized sense of cultural sensitivity. In China it's very common to ask people that you've just met seemingly very personal questions...age, salary, marital status, etc. I'm accustomed to most of these questions by now but when one of the women in our tour group asked one of the local women what her ethnicity was, I was startled. I thought, how could she be so rude, you just don't ask people things like that! and then i realized that no, we just don't do that in America. This is China. And it dawned on me how influenced i am by my own culture.

Being the only American in the group gave me a really outstanding chance to learn about true Chinese etiquette. Habits that I'd noticed in my friends and students came out in this group as well and it gave me a better sense of what is "chinese" and what is just individual people's habits. One example, meal times are a free for all--it seemed like everybody grabbed and inhaled their food as fast as they possibly could. Me, with my American way of perceiving things, was put off by it at first because i was expecting people to pass food, not reach across the table, ask the group before taking the last of something, etc...and the first couple of meals of the tour i was left a little hungry. One of my friends explained it to me that China has a lot of people(thanks, I hadn't noticed) and in China's past (namely during the cultural revolution) there was often not enough food so people had to eat quickly in order to not go hungry. Even though now there often times seems to be an excess of food (haha) that frantic eating habit has been passed on from parents to people in my generation.

Another thing i noticed more closely is the lack of queues, particularly in the bathroom...instead of a first come, first serve system, people wait in front of stalls and if you happen to pick the person whose especially slow, you could be waiting a very long time while others around you are in and out. Also the propensity to push and shove to get into buses and through gates. I keep cool by just reminding myself that we'll all get to where we need to go eventually so I don't let it phase me but it was amazing how prolific the habit is, especially in the 50+ women. I can't count how many times I was elbowed and shoved by little old ladies trying to get in front of me. ruthless haha

Yunnan province has the highest proportion of ethnic minorities anywhere in China. Ethnic Hans make up something like 98% of the Chinese population but in Yunnan, they are a minority. So many of our destinations were to visit ethnic minority tourist villages to try foods, teas and view dance and singing performances. One stop that we made was to this "Indian village". Apparently there is this small group of primitive native indians that still exists somewhere in the mountains. Well the tourism industry in yunnan has warranted the creation of this park with little straw huts and cow skulls on stakes swiped with red paint and brown skinned people in what appeared to be primitive native dress (to me they looked really cold). Before going in, the guide instructed us on basic greetings to use with the people (a warhoop for hello, which I had a hard time bringing myself to do because of the taboo attached to it about stereotyping native americans). I was on edge, my diversity training "sensors" were at full attention. You basically walk around this park and the "natives" jump out at you and paint your face and stomp around on glass shards and walk on hot metal plates and perform pretend marriages to tourists and give you big bear hugs while speaking in a non-Chinese dialect. I asked my friend before going in if these people were for real and she assured me they were, that they now lived around here and catered to tour groups but I couldn't tell. Obviously the park set up (and most of the "traditional" houses/buildings that we saw at various minority villages) were fake and geared for tourists but I couldn't tell about the people. I assumed that they weren't actors but the whole seemingly insensitive way people shuffled through and gawked, like at a people zoo, really bothered me. Maybe it's because of my background with diversity training that made me aware of it or maybe I was just being hypersensitive but whatever the case, it made me a little sick.

The culture between people in the south and people in the north is very different. Northerners are said to be very open, friendly, warm and honest while southerners are said to be clever, crafty, sneaky and two-faced. I realized soon after some unsettling interactions with unscrupulous vendors and getting ripped off at least once that I know of (i bought a painting for about 4 times what it was worth) that I take a lot of my honest interactions with vendors in Shenyang for granted. I hate the feeling of being taking advantage of and my foreigner status basically makes me an easy target for those underhanded vendors wanting to make a little extra money. I think that played a big part in making me feel like an outsider. I was guarded and didn't smile at people much after awhile out of distrust and I really missed the honesty and familiarity of the north.

A couple of times during the trip i found myself short of breath because I was so anxious about being stared at and being different. I thought I was used to people staring and gawking at me but for some reason it really got to me in Yunnan. The fact that I was the only white person in our group, added to some of the curiosity around me--it's rare for foreigners to join Chinese tour groups. The group was used to me and welcomed me, but I dreaded stepping off the bus after awhile because I perceived the rest of the population to be staring and wondering. One instance in particular, we went to an evening dinner and show that showcased dances by various ethnic groups in the area. After the show, everybody (about 500 people) went out and danced around this big open area (think big giant conga line, except with a lot of sashaing and arm movements) It seemed like my friends were having a good time but all I could think about was the anxiety I was having about standing out in such a huge crowd. The whole situation struck me as so bizarre: here we were celebrating ethnic minorities and there I was, worrying about being a minority. Ironic, no? I know i was overthinking it and definitely making it into a bigger deal than it truly was and I ultimately came to the conclusion that I have a lot of growing to do as far as being completely comfortable with who I am both as an american and as an individual person.

I saw another foreigner (i think he was european) in a different tour group and noticed that he didn't seem to be having the same kinds of identity/anxiety problems that i was. He was a few years older and appeared to be married to another Chinese woman. I didn't get a chance to talk to him but he seemed to be an old China hand, like he'd been here for a number of years. I think that's what I need is just time and patience with myself. It just struck me as odd and unsettling that even though I consider myself very adaptable and culturally flexible, I still have a lot to come to terms with.

Several times throughout the trip I wished for another foreigner or someone who's been abroad to talk with, to help make sense of what I was seeing and how I was perceiving it. It would have been great to have another American with me, not only to compare notes with but also to demonstrate to the people I was with that my habits (though different) are not actually just me being strange but a result of my American upbringing and that other Americans behave in generally similar ways to me. I had a bit of a breakthrough when it became very clear to me why ethnic minorities form communities. i've sometimes wondered why for instance Koreans at my high school always hung out together, or why Latinos in my community seem to stick together. They're in America, why don't they integrate with the larger American community? thought I, admittedly insensitively. I realized in Yunnan when I felt very awkward and alone what impels people to form ethnic communities. It's a matter of having people who relate to you, a feeling of solidarity, of having people who understand you and come to the table with relatively similar cultural expectations. Being the only one like you is unsettling, having someone else who is also like you, no matter how different the rest of the people around you may be, is comforting and safe.

It really gave me an appreciation for diversity that I'd never really recognized until now. Groups like AZN and Unidos at Willamette for instance, I can clearly understand now why they are so important. I'm not about to claim that I understand or can relate to everything it means to be a minority because I know I can't. My experience can't compare. But I guess I can relate on a very small level and if nothing else, I have a far greater respect for those people who live as minorities for most or all of their lives.

Random thoughts:

My new favorite word is kerfuffle. (a commotion or fuss, one caused by conflicting views) Know it, use it, love it.

I've made some new basketball friends! I've missed activities where it's ok to be big. I read this article in the Times about the center for the University of Oklahoma who's something like 6'4" and not a skinny little minny. I sometimes forget that there are other women that are built like me that love sport. It was a nice reminder to be proud of what I am. Here's the article if you're interested: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/08/sports/ncaabasketball/08weight.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

I'm kind of looking forward to the coming term...have been evaluating my approach and am feeling better about this whole teaching English thing. Ask me again later as we get closer to the start...

Yeah, that's enough for know. Enough to lighten the belated blog cache, if only temporarily. More to come!