I noticed the ants on the ground for the first time in a long, long time today.

I was in the little park just north of the consulates sitting on a bench talking to my best friend Lauren on the other side of the world about my search for direction and purpose when I noticed a tiny little black ant scurrying around by my foot.

My first thought: "wow, a Chinese ant. I wonder if it understands Chinese." (Don't ask me why but I find myself thinking this when I encounter most small creatures here. Perhaps it has something to do with the myna bird and cockatiel at work...they'll croon nihao and "happy birthday" and "great fortune to you" in chinese all day long but when I say hello, they clam up, cock their heads to one side and just look at me strange. Silly birds.)

Back to ant: I watched him patter around for awhile, running in the grooves between the tiles on the ground, coming across debris, fumbling around to assess path of least resistence and then on his way again. I'll give him credit, he never stopped moving but he was completely erratic and if I didn't know better, he seemed a little lost.

Not far away, (what I presumed to be) a buddy of my little ant friend was waltzing to the same tune. As I looked closer, I noticed every few tiles or so was another ant, lost and bugging around blindly, moving like crazy trying to do whatever it is ants do all day without, it seemed, the slightest bit of direction or progress.

I feel a little like this ant sometimes and I think there are a lot more people here who must feel like this ant regularly as well. No direct purpose, just moving about like crazy, taking the path of least resistance and making it look like we're doing whatever it is we're supposed to be doing.

I haven't written in a while and part of that's because I'm searching for direction and purpose in my own life and have been reticent to share it with the world. However these last few months my personal journal entries have been all starting to sound the same focusing on the major day to day events and occurences and I'm frankly getting bored with myself. I miss the honesty of writing to a blog audience and when I only focus on the big, the little details get lost and along with them, the most enjoyable parts of life.

It's time to reopen the blog. Perhaps purpose and direction will strike in the midst of doing something I enjoy.

Directionless little ant, you've inspired me.